I was just about to finish a blog entry when all of a sudden the moronic people of TARELCO (the local electric utility) decided to give us a little dose of darkness (yes brownout!) to jolt us out of our early evening blues. Hmm talk about tough luck! Now all the creative juices I poured in for the last 20 minutes are gone without nothing left to show for it.
So what will I write this time?? I don't have a clue. I don't want to rewrite what I have written awhile ago. Its like telling same thing all over again.
And now it's still a good one and a half hour til my closing time and I'm here in my blog site. So I guess I'll be thinking of something to write while I'm writing out my thoughts at same time (kind of funny and paradoxical, isn't it?). Maybe its not a bad idea at all. It could be likened to "thinking aloud" but the only difference is your writing your thoughts out instead of voicing them.
So what's in my thoughts? Well I remember my chat with a high school crush of mine yesterday. I tracked her down through friendster months ago and yesterday I was lucky enough to have a chat with her. The funny thing is she's like an old friend to me but to her I'm a new friend. Yep, the girl doesn't know I exist til I explained to her who I am. Its quite an ouch considering that I even have a dance (and picture to go with that) with her during one of our prom nights. But she doesn't remember so I guess its a telltale sign that I'm really a forgettable boring guy during our high school days (and I hope not until now). But its still an ok experience. At least she acts as if she has known me for a long time and I really appreciate her for that.
I'm very comfortable with her during our chat. If this happened during our high school days, hay naku natorpe na naman siguro ako! I could have stuttered on my words and/or be a dumb mute. But I have steadied myself. All these years I've learned to be comfortable with my self and the mistakes I am most likely to commit. Ganun lang naman yun. You have to be comfortable with yourself first so other people could be comfortable with you. Many people are just as insecure and uncomfortable with themselves. But if they see that you're comfortable with yourself, they'll realize that you could also be comfortable with them. Some call this self-love but I'd like to refer to it as self-respect.
(7:30 na pala. I have to go.!)
So I'll leave it up to here. This has been a weird blog for me so I'll end it just as weirder (di ko na siya edit). Ciao!

Crossroad
While we've heard a lot of people say that its always hard to overcome "midlife crisis", I think there's another crisis much harder to overcome than being 40 something and this is what I'd like to call "crossroad crisis" or the problem that people of age like me suffer (or am I the only one?). Choosing what path to take especially with very limited options (or with a million options but the problem is, most of them doesn't suit you) is not, at this times,a personal but rather financial consideration. People (or relatives) doesn't care whether what kind of profession you take as long as it rakes in with it a lot of money.
For a time, I've considered working as a waiter aboard a cruise ship though I'm sure that I wouldn't be a happy camper when I do that. Its a noble work (I wouldn't want it to call "degrading" because I'm a UP grad, if there's one thing I really cherished as an adult, that would be the value of good old manual labor). So why then don't I go for it? I don't know. I'm still thinking about it (kya nga title ng blog na ito ay "crossroad").
And hey here's another one. What about the "could have beens"? That is when people pepper you with their "panghihinayang's" on what you could have been. They mourn on something as trivial as an unrealized potential when in fact that unrealized potential is something you would not want to be. As a classic example, my wife. Her father still laments that she could have been a lawyer have she chose to continue her law studies. But my wife's secret dream is to be a doctor and that's a long shot considering her college course was a pre-law course. So again a tragic end caused by late realization of dreams.
So where do I go from here? Still don't know. I know it's a mortifying answer from someone with a family to raise. But here's the clear catch to that which was realized by my unsettling mind while I was riding a tricycle, people wouldn't really care what path you take as long as you have lots of money. Bet on lotto and if you win, would they still give a damn whether you've realized your potential or not, or would they still care if you achieved your ambitions and dreams. I don't think so.

Welcoming Myself (again)
Its been quite a while again. I couldn't really help but ignore my blog site sometimes especially if problems assail me left and right. But anyways I'm still standing. As a popular saying goes "that which does not kill me makes me stronger" which I sometimes add with, to my own chagrin, "or leaves me incapacitated". So here I am welcoming myself again.

A Requiem for Dexter
I've been watching MGB last night when they featured the ill-fated ordeal of four-year old Dexter Balala way back 2002. I can't help but feel overly depressed for the kid though I guess I've done my mourning way back then. Watching him being clasped by the threatening arms of a deranged man while officers of the Pasay City police were non-chalantly standing by, I can't help but wonder whether these police officers were father themselves.
Further investigations brought out the horrendous mistakes committed by the police. Their obvious failure in cordoning the area, as a measure of crowd control, is one. Another is their lack of training in handling a hostage crisis (though reports say that crisis management is a basic course in the police academy)which is very much apparent in their "fire the hell out of him" attitude when they took out the suspect when the suspect began to stab Dexter. The autopsy conducted reports that Dexter did not die because of stab wounds but succumbed to four gunshots wounds apparently inflicted by those very persons who have sworn to protect him.
And what have the police have to show for such incompetence? "Re-training" was the answer of their superiors. And so the entire Pasay police force went on to training "for the second time". But is it really plain stupidity that caused the untimely demise of Dexter? A resounding NO! It isn't the deranged man nor the bullets nor the crowd nor the media that caused his death. It was the lack or must be the absence of EMPATHY in the part of the police. If even one of them, was kind-hearted enough to see Dexter as his son and not just a hostage, the drama would have taken a different twist. The suspect when he began to stabbed Dexter, turn his back from the police and the police fired from BEHIND when they could have held the suspect's stabbing armed and wrestled him to the ground. If they acted as fathers to Dexter, they would not have been willing to fire bullets on the suspect knowing that even in the slightest possibility the bullet might hit Dexter. But not one of them thought of that because none of them at that time see Dexter as a son. They see him as a hostage. They see him as a stranger.
And so while members of Pasay police force today are still around and should have learned their lessons, an angel sleeps in a cemetery somewhere already oblivious to the events happening around him. So I urge the readers of this blog to remember and pray for Dexter Balala. A 4-year old hero who lost his life because some men acted like beasts in a time when all he need were fathers.

blogs
I'd been wanting to transfer my blogs. Its been two days and still I haven't found the web hosting that I like (or understand, I still don't know how to edit HTML so I'm looking for something that is user-friendly). I've checked out pinoyblogs. Their service is free and almost all of their members are pinoys, well maybe (this is an assumption). I also checked out some of the web blogs of their members as well. Hmmm, some of them are not into blogging really and those who do, well - (from my point of view) they seem to be into blogging just to impress people. They used words (ubiquitous anyone?)that will even make Stephen Hawking scratch his head. Pero kanya-kanyang trip yan. Maybe their way of making themselves look smart is by making other people look dumb or maybe they really are into heady stuff and that they just don't mean to trample on anyone's intelligence. But still I hate to be with these kind of people. This is the kind of discrimination I'm really guilty of. . . and can live with.

Ex You Don't Wanna Date
This was the title of a blog site I have tumbled upon while surfing the net. Out of curiousity I entered the site quite apprehensive of what I'm going to see. Instead, it contains a link to another site urging its readers to post their experiences with their ex and the reason why others shouldn't date their former flame. I'm quite amuse by one entry. The disgruntled lover not only post the name of his ex but also her address and the reason why they broke up. And the reason - he claims he caught her in bed with HIS FATHER. The list of posts are long really (the owner of that website will surely earn big time if he'll associate his website with Google's Adsense). It only shows that a lot of people these days are having their hearts' broken and that revenge they think would somehow ease their pain.
Well, I have my own share of disappointing relationships ( I guess we all do). But revenge did not cross my mind. I guess the best way to ease the pain is just to mourn, let go, and of course, take time to contemplate the lessons that should be learn. Harboring resentment or hate would do no good but prolong the agony. As an old saying says "hatred destroys the vessel that holds it".
But if it still hurts though a long time has passed, just build your self-esteem. Its nice to think that that he/she doesn't deserve you anyway cause he/she is an absolute asshole/assholette!

A Thank You and A Request
Its been quite a happy day for me. Yesterday when I began to give attention to this blog site the current page views it has received was a dismal 13 and today (as of this very moment) it has soared to 126! Wow, I'm really happy that quite a number of people has an interest on what I have to say and I sincerely thank you all.
Another news that's making me happy now was brought to me by Nina (she's my friend who's suffering from heart ailment). She informed me the good news that she and her father are going to the U.S. tommorrow for a heart operation that may save her life. And so I'm asking your prayers for her so she'll be given another lease on life.
Thank you very much. May God bless us all. Goodnight!

Why Badhairday?
Maybe for a few readers who found their way here, they may be wondering why in the world would anyone named a blog site "Badhairday"? Well, for those who knew and seen me, it is not a surprise. But for those who have not, here's a brief explanation.
In our "politically correct" world of today, there are what we call "mentally challenged" and what we call "physically challenged". Well, in my case, I can be considered as "aesthetically challenged". In a society where a long straight black hair is valued and almost half of TV commercials are hair products, anyone can understand the "dilemma" I'm into. Having born with (uuhhh? how do i describe this? My hair isn't that kinky. It isn't wavy either. Ah I get it!) a hair that looks like it has been "fried", its hard to feel good about your hair especially when some of your classmates would compare it to uncook noodles (payless daw!). Other not so ear-friendly insults would include "kulot salot" and for those unfortunate enough to be dark-skinned (its good i'm fair skinned), "kirara" (after the tv soap), "baluga" and other discriminatory terms against black people would not be seldom heard.
And what about barbers whom are supposed to be hair experts? I have this encounter when I was in Baguio. I went for a haircut to my favorite barber shop. My "suki" was not available at that time and so I settled for another barber of the same shop. After 15 minutes or so of tinkering with my hair, he may have noticed that I'm not satisfied with the way he's doing my hair. "Talagang ganyan" he sighed with a tone of surrender, "kailangan nating tanggapin kung ano binigay ng Diyos sa atin". Abaaaah!! For a moment I was quite speechless (a cat really caught my tongue that time). But after recovering my wit, I finally managed to smile and see the humor and not the insult in the comment. Here is a guy who is supposed to be a barber but at that moment he accepted defeat and instead morphed himself into a psychologist.
So for a lot of people who share same fate as mine, insults comes from almost all people, even from those who we think should know better. So how do I cope? I just let them. If a person can't see beyond the covering of my head, he/she may have a bigger problem than me.
As a famous athlete(who suffers from stuttering) once said to his fellow athlete who's making fun of him "My handicapped is my speech, yours is indifference, I'd rather have mine."
I'd rather have mine as well.

love asking for a dance II
Remember my blog entry last july 21? Well that girl I have mentioned in there really has a lot in store for me. I've known her for about two months now and it was about last week of July that I have discovered something about her. It was revealed by her younger sister (about 11 of age) to me. It was that time when i berated (berated may be a strong a word)her for something which i find very childish of her. In my irritated state, I failed to control myself and told her not to call me anymore. The very next day her sister came to me. She told me something that nearly rock me off my chair. "Kuya pagpasesyahan mo na si ate ko" she said in a very solemn voice that almost seem like a prayer. "Ganun lang talaga yun kasi 5 months na lang siya". "Anong 5 months?" I blurted out louder than i have anticipated. "Kasi may sakit siya sa puso. May taning na siya. Hindi na nga yun nag-aaral.". I was in a state of disbelief. I keep asking her over and over again whether is it true and that she's not playing games with me. She consistently and patiently answered my questions. "Kaya pala" I said to myself realizing the answer to my question(which i've never ask her ate) why is it that her ate has all the time calling me when I've known her to be a busy nursing student. It took days for that news to really sink in on me. After 4 days (I think) I called her and apologized for the things I've said. She said it's ok and she deserved it anyway.
I also decided (finally) to tell my (not so dramatic (medyo lang)) ordeal to ihreen. At first she was quite irritated or maybe hurt that a girl has been calling me for a month and I have not mentioned it to her. I explained to her that I haven't told her 'cause it was nothing (which of course is not the truth). She countered back saying "ganyan ka naman eh, patay malisya ka" and went on to mentioned barrage of examples ("si ganito at si ganyan")from history long gone. To cut the story short, Ihreen was sympathetic to the girl. And I, well, my ego landed on the ground again after it has been cruising the heavens for a while. No more ego-boost for me. It was really a humbling experience. Somehow I felt fortunate and honored to have someone like her to be my friend. She's so brave that I have not even noticed that something's wrong with her. I asked her once if her situation makes her lonely. "Sometimes I get depressed" she replied casually, "but this thing has been with me since childhood that I have learned to accept it". Another time she asked me what does it feels like to be the object of attention of a dying person. "Bittersweet" I said to her, "Its kind of flattering but at the same time lonely."
For sometime now I'd been planning to take her out (sort of a date really)but I don't wanna do it with out Ihreen's blessing which is a problem. I don't think she'll agree. And I really don't know if she can still manage to go out with me. Her younger sister informed me she's a bit frail already. I hope there can still be some miracle waiting for her. But if it doesn't come, I wish I could be there for her in the end. Its all I can do for a friend whom I have to greet hello and goodbye almost at the same time.